it wasn't lemon gatorade
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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