i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
