You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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