OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
