I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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