first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
