even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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