She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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