Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
