I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Mom said you looked used
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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