woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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