Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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