i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
