listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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