i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need to align my fucking chakras
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
