My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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