I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
