Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
