I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
