The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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