I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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