He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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