I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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