Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
