I met the friendliest cop last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
