The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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