we have officially lost it.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
