Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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