There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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