Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
