...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
