Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
