And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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