Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
