someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
