OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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