Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do herpes really smell.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
