I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Green mimosas i think yes
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
