So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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