my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
