I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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