WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
