His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
3pm strippers are depressing
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
