my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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