hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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