dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
