I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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