Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
