he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
