You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
