9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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