Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
