My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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