she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
