I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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