I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
