You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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